by Dukasaur on Wed Jul 12, 2023 9:53 am
Yeah, first year that I was driving cab, 1990.
That was before the 9/11 bullshit, so crossing the border wasn't the big hassle that it is nowadays. Back then the bars in Ontario would close at 1 a.m and the bars in New York State were open until 5 a.m., so after last call on our side of the border people would hop into a cab and head over to Buffalo to continue drinking.
Anyway, I picked up these two Irishmen at Romby's, which is a Scottish pub but Irish are frequently found there also. It was closing time so they wanted to go over to Grand Island, NY, to continue getting trashed.
Anyway, one of these Irishmen was known to me and a regular cab patron, the other one was unknown. As we were leaving Romby's, it was all so lovey-dovey. "I love you like a brother, Mac!", "I love you like a brother, too!", and so on and so forth.
All was love and molasses until we start heading over the Lewiston Bridge, and accidentally one of them starts talking politics. Well! That was a mistake! Turns out one of them was green and one of them was orange. No more, "I love you like a brother" after that!
Pretty soon the orangeman is yelling, "You murdering green bastard!" and the greenman is yelling, "You asshole-sucking orange bastard!"
We're at the window of the U.S. Customs, and the Customs agent asks, "where are you going?" "Grand Island," quoth the green Irishman. "For what purpose?" asks the Customs donkey. "Because I fucking live there!" yells the Irishman. "He doesn't deserve to live anywhere," pipes up the other. "He's a stupid green bastard!"
As the Customs agent and I both watch incredulously, these two get at each other's throats, and next thing you know they are literally smashing each other's faces out, literal blood squirting and the whole nine yards! Six Customs agents with guns drawn force us out of the car and up against a wall. I was half expecting them to shoot us! I kept saying, "I don't know these guys, I'm just the driver!"
The orangeman fell asleep while the agents were asking him questions, so I guess they realized he wasn't much of a threat to national security. They filled out Refusal forms and didn't trundle anyone off to jail, just put us back in the car and sent us back to Canada. I ended up getting a really good tip, and a nice story for my memoirs, so it was All's Well That Ends Well for me.
You wonder about ethnic stereotypes. They're not always wrong, you know!
Last edited by
Dukasaur on Wed Jul 12, 2023 9:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: clarification
“Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
― Voltaire
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ConfederateSS.out!(The Blue and Silver Rebellion)... 
