The "friend zone"

[nagerous]

You don't want to be friends?

I'm afraid the quickest way out is by hurting her, not physically (well that could work too ) but by just being honest "I don't want to be friends with you"

It's either that or move across the country.

as if - I'm not sure what game you have but the entire point is being suave - not upfront and awkward. Girls hate that.

What you chatting about??

Get her drunk.

[Juan_Bottom]

Juan - you're doing fine.

The "friend zone" is a good place to be.

It's quite close to the place you want to be. Most of my serious relationships (including Mrs Curl) started as friends.

Ours did too... but these are somewhat special circumstances... no?

Don't push.

It's hard to give specific advice, especially as you only see her on her say-so.

I know...

(a) If there's a reasonable occasion for you to buy her a present ( birthday, Xmas coming up , souvenir of somewhere you've been without her) buy her something fluffy. Something cute with big eyes that she'll hug and think of you.

Excellent!

(b) Say that there's another girl you fancy - preferably someone she's met - you know that you and her (Woman A) are just friends now, and if you went out with Woman B it wouldn't stop you being friends, but could she (Woman A) give you some advice?

Complete poison... plus I really don't want to play any "relationship games..."

See there is this girl I dated once upon a time, that is in my "friend zone." And she wants out herself. She's fairly attractive, but nothing like anything I could ever want to date. Anyway, that would completly poison all the work I have been doing thus far. I wouldn't risk it at all.
pictured related but it's the only one I have
[img]EDIT
That was just not a good picture to blow up...

...the sneaky benefit of (b) is that you now know how to impress/attract woman A. At some romantic moment, months in the future, you do that thang (for her) which she suggested to impress a girl, having manifestly failed to do it for Woman B, and thus wordlessly demonstrate who it was you fancied all along.

It is brillant though...

And if all of the above seems too manipulative, I garuantee that , if you get together, and then reveal this whole thread (after a suitable delay) she willl only realise how much she meant to you - you tried everywhere to find the right approach to the one woman that would suit.

In the future, that would probably be a great idea. If I did it now she'd cut me.
Thank Odin that she does not want anything to do with CC.

Juan, I would say to give her a choice. Intimate or eliminate. If she really does like you in that way and is just assuming that you'll be around when she's ready to get serious, then this should speed up the process. On the other side of the coin, if she really does see you as just a freind then you could lose out on something great. Then there's always a chance that she hasn't even considered dating you but that's just pure speculation.

We were a couple for almost 6 years. She dumped me a couple of months ago... anyway after months of effort I somehow ended up in "friend zone." These special circumstances make me quite fearful to dare approach her... otherwise I would just be like "yo momma what's up?"

The only plus side is that all this time has forced me to consider new life goals... I tried to enlist but that isn't going well... so now I'm applying for financial aid for schooling... If I get enough I may not enlist. I dunno what I'm going to do with theaid money since I don't have anyone to depend on to get me there... but we'll see how it goes...

My best advice to you is to keep being freinds with her. Stay patient and throw out some casual hints now and then. If there's any chance of you two becoming more serious, then it can only happen as long as you're her freind.

For real?

This would be the safe route to take. Low risk - high reward. If you guys stay freinds long enough, things will change one way or another. Good luck Juan.

I was afraid of this being the best route... and is my best plan to date. It just takes a long time... I've never been known as a patient person but I am trying. Thanks.

consider that in all likelyhood, the reason you are in the friendzone is because you are in fact the type of guy whose personality puts him there.

I'm definitly aware that I put myself here... but it was the best that I could do, since she dumped me...
I dunno, lol... now I'm trying to find a good route back...

Figure out what it is about yourself and your wants and needs that make you desirable as a friend to people who you desire as more than a friend.

And cancel it out is what you're saying??? I'm not sure how to do that. Unless maybe you mean to replace the quality with something else? I really don't want to play any games or anything. And I would really appreciate her more if she liked me for me. But that's not to say that I would go out of my way to impress her.

If you cant figure it out on your own, take one of your close friends and ask them for their opinion. While other people in the thread certainly have good advice for trying to move out of the friend zone and in some cases it works perfectly fine, the friend zone is really something that shouldnt be a problem to begin with.

Oh man, after 6 years it sucks really badly. It's only magnified because she really is my best friend. And damn me, she knows that too...

This always works:

Thank-you that was very related, and very true.

you're young and there really is no rush, so don't act desperate.

Doing my very best sir!

You should probably ask someone out who lives close to you... not to play games or try to make her jealous (that kind of bs is just dumb and will get you nowhere)

Agreed. I'm a very honest person anyway. And I would never do anything intentionally to lie to her or manipulate her or anything.

but to have someone local who's company you enjoy and you can do things with... maybe you'll discover a new muse to chase after.

Blasphemy!

If you want to be romantically involved with the girl in the picture... you can't force it and can only make yourself available... and give it time develop.

I know it too but man I hate it.

as if - I'm not sure what game you have but the entire point is being suave - not upfront and awkward. Girls hate that.

I'm actually quite suave, funny, a vicious flirt. So long as you're funny girls will always respond to you. I'm working on my dancing and muscle to complete the "me" package... and college/military to improve the financial situation.
But for right now all I have is my charm .
I figured so long as I'm stuck in the friend zone sooner or later we would end up at a party... with some music...
I can make any ideas work, I'm just out of ideas... other than to be patient and not push anything ever.

[mpjh]

Christ, this reads like a handbook for "dating the cheerleader." Get a life, seriously, if you are engaged in something other than following her butt with your nose, maybe she will see something in you worth spending a bit of effort on. Better take care of yourself first, Juan. Remember, confidence is sexy.

[Juan_Bottom]

Christ, this reads like a handbook for "dating the cheerleader." Get a life, seriously, if you are engaged in something other than following her butt with your nose, maybe she will see something in you worth spending a bit of effort on. Better take care of yourself first, Juan. Remember, confidence is sexy.

Wait, what? I haven't seen her in months and we only talk a few times a week...

I know I'm not the only one to be stuck in the friend zone. I was wondering if someone had found a quicker way out of it.

[black elk speaks]

[EDIT] And for post number 501 [/EDIT]

you wouldn't date her? look at how she holds that mic... and the curve of her bottom lip...

seriously though, all joking aside, you should assess what you mean when you say friend zone. Is the girl that you are trying to remove from your friend zone someone that you would see regularly in your circle of friends? If not, then your work is done... you and she will drift apart. If she is, then you should consider this...

don't burn bridges. It may be that you have a future with her that is not yet revealed. Burning your bridge with her now will destroy that. This has additional side effects that are damaging to you as a potential lover in the future too... as in, word gets around, and you will appear less desirable to other women in your circles as well.

My advice, learn to be and let be. Her friendship, if genuine, will be more beneficial to you if you relax about the situation, let go of the want and instant self gratification that draws you to want to "kill yourself" or enlist, and build your relationships with patience and care.

Oh, and don't listen to that puke chicken shit ass hole mpjh... he is ship paper disposed of.

[mpjh]

Christ, this reads like a handbook for "dating the cheerleader." Get a life, seriously, if you are engaged in something other than following her butt with your nose, maybe she will see something in you worth spending a bit of effort on. Better take care of yourself first, Juan. Remember, confidence is sexy.

Wait, what? I haven't seen her in months and we only talk a few times a week...

I know I'm not the only one to be stuck in the friend zone. I was wondering if someone had found a quicker way out of it.

Best way out is moving on directly with your own life.

[Backglass]

I suggest you go for a girl who can actually sing. You can never get good tone or projection siting down, hunched over in a ball.

It's the little things you have to watch for.

[black elk speaks]

But she does have a good hold on that mic... sitting... kneeling... either way!

[spaceghst44]

hate to break you the news, but you are done. There is no leaving the "friend zone" it is like the twilight zone. Once you are there you can never go back. You are like her brother now, and unless she is into incest, then stab yourself with a fork cause you are done.

Rule number 1. never get high from your own supply.

rule number 2. never enter the friend zone with a girl you want to bang.

[Backglass]

But she does have a good hold on that mic... sitting... kneeling... either way!

True True!

[King_Herpes]

Be patient Juan. Wait for this opportunity to arise and then pounce on it like a hungry lion would an easy kill. After a long night of sharing, remembering the good times and all that crap - hold her close but don't try and kiss or do any touchy feelies(this might discomfort her and make her want to leave or sleep elsewhere). Then after she has fallen asleep, gently get up to turn the thermometer dial up on high. She'll pull the blanket off soon after and then that's when you get to work. Now it's time for Juan's Friend Zone! Where Juan makes the rules and Juan defines what friends do. Pretty cool huh?


*Bonus: If she gets pregnant then she'll just think it was when she got drunk at that Frat Party.

*Additional bonus: You no longer have that awkward tension standing in your way of wishing you'd just hit the floor and then boink all over the kitchen. Instead you get to play it off like that's not what you want whilst gaining back her trust, interest, and devotion.

[Frigidus]

[Juan_Bottom]

But she does have a good hold on that mic... sitting... kneeling... either way!

True True!

But notice that her pinky is out because she's classsy.

Pretty cool huh?

Very!

[daydream]

i cant have been the only one thinking this, right? right???

sorry for the terrible art.
also, this is the censored version. if you want the "original", just edit the name intelligently.

[Backglass]

i cant have been the only one thinking this, right? right???

sorry for the terrible art.
also, this is the censored version. if you want the "original", just edit the name intelligently.

Terrible yes...but funny!

[mpjh]

Juan looks like he is elevating off the floor, and what a color scheme -- red, white, and blue -- patriotic hand job.

[yeti_c]

Juan's got a monk hair style.

.

[daydream]

Juan looks like he is elevating off the floor, and what a color scheme -- red, white, and blue -- patriotic hand job.

hes elevating off the floor because i didnt have paint maximised and forgot to scroll down before drawing >.<

[Juan_Bottom]

I'm so happy neither of them use CC... not even to spy on me. Because I would be in deep DEEP trouble by this point.

[mpjh]

Deep throated trouble.

[TheProwler]

Juan, you are making good decisions about what advice to follow and what to reject.

The cuddly toy idea is a real good one.

Anything that involves using another young woman is bad advice. Unless you are really interested in the other young woman. If you were to date someone else to rise some jealousy or for whatever other reason, but you aren't really interested in her (the new young woman pawn), that would make you a total scumbag. You can't do whatever it takes to achieve your final goal while disregarding the feelings and well-being of all others.

Just be patient.

Oh, and if you do something embarrassing like write her a letter when you are drunk ( ), don't make a big deal about it. Say "Sorry" if you think it is required, but it really isn't a big deal. No one gets hurt. Her ego gets a little boost. And if you don't make a big deal about it, it won't irritate her. Get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness, and you'll look pathetic.

Just continue on and be honest. Don't play games. Things might work out. Things might not. At the end of all this, you might wind-up just being friends. But that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. You could share an emotional connection for the rest of your lives. Being true friends is a great relationship.

Oh, and let me say something I think I said before to you. Don't be a drag. Don't be a downer. Put yourself in a happy mood when you talk to her. Be positive. If you are talking with her about something that is a bad situation, you can still show her that you are a strong and positive person. Always look on the bright side. But it is even better to talk to her about happy things. Be a highlight of her day whenever you talk to her. And I'm not really telling you to be a phony. I'm telling you to actually be a positive person.* Life is good. Breathe deeply and stay positive.


* Okay, this might be strange advice coming from me. I probably seem a little negative much of the time. But take the advice for what it's worth. Don't let your opinion of who you think I am cloud what I say.

[mpjh]

Do as he says, not as he does.

[spaceghst44]

threesome?

[MeDeFe]

[bigimg]http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c331/daydream1/juan_censored.jpg[/bigimg]

i cant have been the only one thinking this, right? right???

sorry for the terrible art.
also, this is the censored version. if you want the "original", just edit the name intelligently.

See, this is why you don't ask for help or post personal information (like pictures) about other people on CC without their permission. I personally think it's fine if you've got their permission, though.

[GabonX]

Ha, I wonder what this girl is gonna think when she stumbles across this ten years from now...