The Affordable Boat Act

[isaiah40]

Saw this and figured I share it!

The Affordable Boat Act

The U.S. government has just passed a new law entitled “The Affordable Boat Act” declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat by April, 2014. These ‘affordable’ boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance, or repair costs.

This law has been passed because, until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every American can now have an ‘affordable’ boat of their own, because everyone is ‘entitled’ to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive four ‘free’ life jackets (does not include monthly usage fees).

In order to make sure everyone purchases an ‘affordable boat,’ the cost of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or can’t afford to maintain. But, to be fair, people who can’t afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boat(s) to party on until they turn 27, after which date they must purchase their own boat.

If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can’t). If you don’t want or don’t need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one, or face imprisonment. If you cannot (or don’t want to) purchase an ‘affordable boat’ from a private business, you can buy a starter boat from the U. S. government ‘affordable boat exchange.’ Such a boat will have the basic necessities (hull, oars or paddles) and will only cost ‘slightly more’ than a similar boat purchased from a private business. Plus, since your tax dollars will subsidize the purchase of a boat from the U. S. government’s ‘affordable boat exchange,’ it will appear that you are getting a good deal.

Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert, ghettos, inner cities, or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Neither age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge, nor lack of desire are acceptable excuses for not using your boat.

A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between the port side, starboard side, or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including when, where, how often, and for what purposes you can use your boat, along with how many people can ride your boat. The board will also determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat, and will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories (like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.

Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so … it’s only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.

Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free at the expense of tax payers. Unions, bankers, and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.

[Lootifer]

It would be funny if it wasnt satirising something as serious as healthcare

[Anarkistsdream]

It would be funny if it wasnt satirising something as serious as healthcare

The boat was also used when talking about gun control... Not funny then, either...

Of course, maybe boats just aren't funny...

Anybody with a funny boat joke?

[Frito Bandito]

Will I be able to trade in my boat in the next "Cash for Clunkers" program??

[oVo]

How about a new government food program that teaches people how to fish called Cash for Lunkers!

[hahaha3hahaha]

-deleted-

[DoomYoshi]

It would be funny if it wasnt satirising something as serious as healthcare

Water covers two-thirds of the planet. I don't see your point.

[Anarkistsdream]

What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the Doc

[Lootifer]

It would be funny if it wasnt satirising something as serious as healthcare

Water covers two-thirds of the planet. I don't see your point.

I retract my lack of lolz.

[thegreekdog]

It would be funny if it wasnt satirising something as serious as healthcare

To be fair, more people had health insurance before the Affordable Care Act than had boats before the Affordable Boat Act... so maybe not so serious.

[Dukasaur]

I'm waiting for the Affordable Dope Act.

[notyou2]

I'm waiting for the Affordable Dope Act.

No shortage of dopes though.

[pearljamrox2]

Yea, well..you gotta admit...it's bullshit to have to pay $250 for a 5 minute visit to the boat dealer, just for him to tell you all you need is a float.